Exposing the Emptiness of Expectations

Exposing the Emptiness of Expectations

Understanding the Engine of Anxiety

Personal reflections by a fellow traveler. Not AA-approved literature. Shared in the spirit of experience, strength, and hope.

Expectation is a loud engine.  It consumes my peace like fuel, roaring to life with every imagined outcome. It burns hot on thoughts of how life should unfold, grinding and churning with demands that others behave the way I think they must. The noise is constant, drowning out gratitude, leaving me exhausted—yet the engine goes nowhere. It only consumes, never carries me forward.  When reality collides with those imagined designs, the smoke burns my eyes. Disappointment, anger, and despair flood in, not because life was unfair, but because I had convinced myself it should go differently.

Anxiety is the byproduct. It is the engine that sputters on every time I insist on controlling tomorrow’s details. My heart races, my chest tightens, and my thoughts spiral—not because of what is, but because of what I decided should be. The cruel irony is that the outcomes I fear or crave usually never appear in the exact form I envisioned. I end up carrying the heavy weight of nothing—just hollow, unmet expectation.

This is why the Third Step prayer matters. “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou will.” It is not just recitation; it is release. When I hand over the crumpled blueprints of my self-made plans, I find something greater unfolding—often disguised, often misunderstood in the moment, but always better than what I could have designed. His handiwork rarely matches the sketches in my head, but it carries a wisdom my expectations never could.

Letting go is not passive. It is an act of courage, a daily surrender. I am not called to orchestrate the entire symphony, only to play my note with honesty and faith. When I loosen my grip on the wheel of control, I discover that anxiety loses its fuel. The engine stalls. The noise quiets. In its place, I can hear the steady rhythm of grace—God at work in ways unseen, weaving my failures, delays, and detours into something whole.

Expectation breeds emptiness. Surrender breeds peace. The more I release the illusion that I know how everything must go, the more space I give God to write a story I never could.

Where do you still fuel the engine of anxiety?