The Illusion of Control

The Illusion of Control

Understanding the Cost of Clinging

Personal reflections from a fellow traveler.  Not AA approved literature.  Shared in the spirit of Experience, Strength, and Hope.

There’s something deeply human about wanting to know what comes next.  I plan, prepare, and predict.  I build budgets, relationships, calendars, expectations, and entire futures inside my mind.  I look at where I am, determine where I want to go, and begin mapping out lines between the two.

There is nothing inherently wrong with this.  Wisdom plans.

This program reminds me that there is a difference between making a plan and believing I control the path.

Somewhere along the way I must remember; I am not God

Perhaps much wisdom begins right here.

So, I ask myself; what is my motive beneath the method?

I may not understand myself nearly as well as I think I do.  The book of Proverbs tells me that my ways can appear perfectly innocent to me while my Higher Power examines something much deeper; my motives.

This matters, because I can justify almost anything if I want it bad enough.  I can rename fear as caution, control becomes concern, and pride as principle.

I can cling to outcomes, ideas, and methods that are unhealthy in order to get what I want.  This can become very dangerous for me.

Faith means handing God the whole thing, not just asking Him to bless my plans and get his signature.  I must hand over the plan, the motive, the method, the expectation, and perhaps hardest of all – the outcome. 

Surrender for me means being willing for God’s will to interrupt mine.  This can be difficult because I like knowing.  I like certainty.  I like outcomes that fit neatly inside the picture I’ve painted in my mind. 

Faith and surrender don’t provide certainty, only enough light for the next step in a dark world. 

I must learn to stop clinging to the desired outcomes I’ve created in order to allow God to work through me.  Otherwise, the cost becomes too great.  The seeds of disappointment, anger, resentment, and fear settle in the cracks and begin sprouting in my heart. 

It’s right here where the loop begins all over again.  Surrender is a daily practice, a discipline, a growing desire. 

Where in my life can I practice surrender today and let go of the Illusion of Control?