The Sickness of Self

 

Personal reflections by a fellow traveler. Not AA-approved literature. Shared in the spirit of experience, strength, and hope.

Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.

Not alcohol. Not trauma. Not even the past.
The problem is me — when I live at the center of my own universe.

Page 62 makes it plain: the actor wants to run the whole show.
He tries to arrange lights, ballet, and scenery to suit himself. And when the scene doesn't go his way?
He gets resentful. Afraid. Discontent.
Sound familiar?

That’s the sickness of self — the invisible illness that keeps coming back, even after the bottle is gone.

 

The Mood of the Moment

 

Self doesn’t always shout. Sometimes it whispers.
It disguises itself as urgency. Entitlement. Defensiveness.
It justifies anger, excuses fear, and demands to be understood rather than transformed.

One minute it’s victimhood.
The next, superiority.
And sometimes — when it’s really sneaky — it sounds like spiritual wisdom.

But underneath it all is the same infection:
Me, Me, Me.

A Deadly Disease with No Visible Symptoms

 

This disease doesn’t show up on x-rays or blood tests.
It reveals itself in reactions. In mood swings. In self-righteous silence or performative apology.

It can look like humility while quietly plotting control.
It can sound like service while secretly seeking validation.
It can feel like faith — while still trying to run the show.

That’s the madness. That’s the trap.
It’s why even sober people still suffer.

The Prescription? Surrender.

 

There is no white-knuckle fix for self. No positive self-talk that heals it.
Only a spiritual solution. A Higher Power. A daily surrender. A design for living.

The 12 Steps aren’t just about staying sober.
They’re about getting well.

Because left untreated, the sickness of self will keep showing up —
in the mood of the moment.