The Wound Beneath the Want

The Wound Beneath the Want

Understanding Destruction Behind Dysfunction

Personal reflections from a fellow traveler.  Not AA approved literature.  Shared in the spirit of Experience, Strength, and Hope.

Dysfunction.  What is it?  According to one definition it is a ‘failure to achieve or sustain a behavioral norm or expected condition, as in a social relationship.’

Have you ever left an interaction where you thought; “What’s wrong with them?” Or worse yet, “What’s wrong with me?”  It’s sobering (pun intended) to confront the dragon of self-reflection.  Its hardened scales and sheer size present as a battle that cannot be won.  Perhaps that’s why so many of those who enter the rooms of recovery often don’t return.

What I thought was a surface problem is actually a surface solution for a much deeper wound.  Something I do not want to confront: my fear of abandonment, desire for control, and hunger for approval.  All stemming from a larger branch of self-protection. 

I’ve learned that dysfunction thrives in concealment.  Rather than casting a shadow over the questions that might find a weakness in the armor of the dragon within me, perhaps exposing them to the light can bring healing.

What am I afraid of?  What am I trying to control?  What wound is being exposed?

Someone recently asked me: “Am I using another person’s actions to avoid my own interior work?”  I initially found this deeply offensive.  That’s because it’s true.

Perhaps the behavior is the signal, the relationship is the mirror, and the wound is the work.  

Healing happens when I’m willing to expose the wound beneath the want.

What wounds in your life need to see the light?